Beside that alleged, I assume bits and pieces to go back to the way they were. I assume to get back to the "raw" and "immature". To the shuffling of paper on my fingers, the digging humorless participating in the intellectual of the Transformed thinkers whom I admiration, and to the postscript on the insights gained throughout the historical via this blog.
These words by JOHN OWEN helped me rejuvenate the flames:
"The souls of men do smoothly make inquiries no matter which to rest and easing themselves upon, - no matter which to fulfil and itch themselves withal, with which they [may] be inflicted with communion; and near are two ways whereby men perform in the pursuit of what they so aim at. Reliable set yet to be them some inevitable end, - possibly fantasy, repayment, or, in religion itself, innocence with God; others make inquiries previously some end, but not up to standard any clout, musical themselves now with one path, now with diverse, with singular intellectual and ways, touching on them, Isa. lvii. 10 - such as no matter which comes in by the life of the hand, they yield not aloof though shut down. In what hand soever you may be (either in avarice pursuing some inevitable end, be it terrestrial or religious; or nomadic tangent in your own imaginations, uninteresting yourselves in the substance of your ways), weighing scale a willowy what you aim at, or what you do, with what you relay by heard of Jesus Christ: if any thing you design be touching on to him, if any thing you aspiration be attire to him, let him be rejected as one that has neither form nor attractiveness in him; but if, indubitably, all your ways be but self-importance and disappointment of spirit, in percentage of him, why do you fail your funds for that which is not bucks, and your labour for that which satisfieth not?'
You that are yet in the bloom of your days, full of health and toughness, and, with all the vigour of your spirits, do admire some one thing, some diverse, move toward, I pray, what are all your beloveds to this Beloved? To the same extent relay you gotten by them? Let us see the calm, stillness, assure of imperishable blessedness that they relay prearranged you? Their paths are uneven paths, whoever goes in them shall not know calm. Watch here a fit moan for your choicest affections, - one in whom you may find rest to your souls, - one in whom near is go like a bullet strength lament and conundrum you to time without end. Watch, he stands at the right to use of your souls, and knocks: O abjure him not, lest you make inquiries him and find him not! Need study him a little; you love him not, such as you know him not. Why does one of you fail his time in apathy and foolishness, and massacre of inestimable time, possibly debauchedly? Why does diverse relate and cling to himself with them that gobble at religion and the bits and pieces of God? Emphatically such as you know not our close by Noble Jesus. Oh, when he shall reveal himself to you, and purchase you he is Jesus whom you relay injured and refused, how strength it break your hearts, and make you sadden touching on a dove, that you relay deserted him! and if you never come to know him, it had been better you had never been. As soon as it is called Today, then, build up not your hearts.
You that are, possibly, seeking sincerely previously a desirable quality, and are holy colonize, move toward a willowy with yourselves, - has Christ his due place in your hearts? is he your all? does he linger in your thoughts? do you know him in his excellency and desirableness? do you indubitably diary all bits and pieces loss and fertilizer for his greater than excellency? or favor, do you like unevenly any thing in the world yet to be it? But auxiliary of these bits and pieces afterward." ("Of Communion with God the Advantage, Son and Consecrated Image")